Let’s get real about parenting for a second. The world shows us a very different picture than is true. It’s like growing up you have Leave It To Beaver with the perfect family and the perfect mom and dad and for some people that’s how they thought parenting should go. Well for me it was more seeing people I know for a few hours and wondering where I went wrong. However I am starting to realize two things there are no perfect parents or kids. Secondly is that we all lose our cool and it’s okay. Somedays are just plain hard and there is no sugar coating the day you have had and it’s okay to put the kids in their room/rooms and take a moment to do something to get your frustration out. As a person with anxiety and sometimes depression it can be easy to just have enough and get that little thought that says I am not good enough and I am failing. However I remind myself that God gave me these kids so apparently he knows I am what they need even when I don’t feel like I am. So remember moms we aren’t perfect but we are just what our kids need.
I think at times we all may feel lost. Like trying to fit into a schedule just makes it worse. I wanted to do a post every Monday but as you can tell it’s been a couple weeks and here I am. The thing was with doing a weekly blog I ran out of ideas or I just couldn’t find the time and after a while I just gave up. So I may be lost at this very moment but I know that at some point I won’t be anymore. I always keep a quote in my head when I talk about this and it will be at the bottom for all of you.
Most days it’s easy to get bogged down but keep your head up. I know for me that a lot of days it just gets too much. The usual days just get too similar and it feels like I am on a hamster wheel that never ends. Life isn’t about what all you get accomplished or the day to day tasks that are always the same. Life is about learning and finding little things that you can be proud of. With the girls it’s that they are taking naps or the fact that they actually agreed on a tv show. Remember life is full of little things that make up all the big things. So go on with today and find your little thing that will make you remember you are important and you are doing great works.
Life is full of labels and most of the time they are like little name tags that we wear around that we are aware of and sometimes not so much. I think its easy to label someone based on what they do for a living or what they drive or wear. I think everyone labels people whether they want to or not. We see someone in a nice car and say they must be doing good but its not always the case. I have found in my life that I post happy things on social media or show the nice things I have to keep me away from remembering the sad or hard stuff going on. Especially when the baby wasn’t doing to well but praise the Lord she is fine now. However I know people think that people who go on vacations or have nice things mean they are having the best time but I have been working on praying for those people because there are two side to every coin. So please before you label someone as losing or winning the life game think about life as a coin where they could be doing both at the same time.
When I was growing up I never thought that things would change so much. I also never thought I would be worrying about Disney and what they teach kids or kids cartoons. My oldest loves all things Disney from Mickey Mouse to all the princesses. She has told me numerous times her favorite is Snow White which now its all Moana all the time. So when I saw a Beauty and The Beast movie coming out I got excited because it was supposed to be something we could share but Disney then decided to shock me and remind me that this isn’t my generation. Growing up for me was a lot safer and we didn’t have to worry about Disney warping our minds or shaping our ideals on certain topics that are too big for us. I get that Disney wants to make a stand for the LGBT community and that’s fine and all but not with my three year old who just got potty trained. Disney has pushed the envelope too far this time. I get sad to think that I have to shelter my kids from movies that have ideas that just came out in adult shows and movies in the last 4 or 5 years. I really think that Disney should rethink about the age of people who they reach because not everyone is older and it’s that way because well the kids who started out watching Cinderella and The Lion King are now having kids of our own and we want our kids to be just that. I want my kids to grow accordingly not too fast because this time is precious and I only get it once. So I for once will not be supporting Disney because I think they have finally over stepped between the lines of making movies and teaching my kids things that I don’t want them to know just yet. I know this is a very ranty post and is nothing like my usual blog posts but I had to get it out before it festered in my brain anymore.
I have talked about mom breaks before but I thought well why not talk about it again. During the time of waiting that we have done in this house I have been very stressed and very wore down. This weary nature has actually caused me to get sick and while I am sick I now understand how much trying to be strong can cost a mom. A time of waiting is not easy for any house but here it gets hard because not only am I being strong for the kid who is not sick but has symptoms that can come at any second. I am also having to be strong for the kid who has no clue what is going on she wants to comfort her sister because to her she is sick. Being strong however has consequences that no one mentions. Being strong causes a person to slip and become weak and more acceptable to sickness. This past weekend I took a time out and went to get my hair done. I got a cute cut that I love but the real thing that made me happy is the fact that hair salons are kids free. I just wanted to relax and let my stresses leave with the hair on the floor and then I got asked if I wanted to go back for a treatment on my hair and of course I jumped at that chance because I need some time to get my thoughts together so I can be strong for my babies as we go tomorrow for answers and if not answers than the next step. I am trusting the lord with my angel and I know that she is here for a reason. The story of Ariana (my youngest) is a great story and it’s a story about God’s love. I almost died giving birth to her but God didn’t let me die so I am here for a reason and so is she; So I don’t believe that the same God who would work so hard in bringing her into this world and giving me these two years with her would think that two years is enough time for her to do what she is called for. I hold true to the fact that God sees the future and he sees things I will never see.
1 Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in deep mire,
where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters,
and the flood sweeps over me.
3 I am weary with my crying;
my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim
with waiting for my God.
This has been my prayer during this time of waiting when I have felt like I was being ignored or just plain shocked that this was going on but I now know of trust and I will wait upon the lord for I know he is good.
My kids have no clue what is going on we have made sure that things go as smoothly as possible. However my oldest just learned of sickness so she thinks everyone is sick. Since we got the news about the youngest we have let our kids play more so we can worry less. They have friends that they play so well together and we have just been having fun being a typical country family. Most days I can forget that we are waiting for results in a week that we will find out what our next step is because well when you see the face of a kid playing and trying and when the symptoms she has due to her liver are usually only once a day than its hard to remember the battle her body is fighting. Its sad knowing that she was growing like any other baby and then she wasn’t. I thought she was a great weight but that wasn’t the case. She is super tiny and its okay. She is the last baby and so she gets to be the size of a baby a little longer. However she is very smart and very happy all the time. She has been teething for the last few months with no tears or symptoms. Its hard to forget on the bad days that this is all going on but on the good days its a happy time full of joy and amazement. So while we can we are letting our kids be kids and are letting them play through this season because only God knows what next week brings and I don’t want to hinder him in working a miracle or make blessings out of this situation that we weren’t expecting or prepared for.